Anyway, back to Aubrey's restriction. Aubrey was put on restriction for talking, being disruptive and disrespectful during our small group time. I stayed home with Anna since she had a cough and I didn't want her spreading any of her wonderful germs with the other little kiddos. Danny was leading the small group. Before they left (and many times since the last small group) we talked to Aubrey about her behavior during the small group. She is not to talk because she is there to listen and learn. When she talks, she is being disruptive and disrespectful to the adult that is talking and she is being distracting to the people trying to listen to the discussion about the word of God. She has her notebooks that she can write in and she has her bible that she can look through and "read."
Since Danny was leading the group, I knew it would be hard for him to really focus on Aubrey and her behavior. He had her sit right next to him, but she whispered throughout the discussion and was even passing notes back and forth with her friend.
Once they returned home, Danny and I sat down with Aubrey to discuss how she thought she behaved at the small group. She agreed that she was talking and being disrespectful to Daddy while he was trying to lead the discussion. We decided that she should lose a privilege for her disobedience and we decided she would not be able to watch TV for two days. Of course, she cried and cried, but that really was the reaction I wanted. I want to take away something from her that she cares about so maybe the next time she's in this situation she may think twice. Truth be told, I think she cares more about the fact that her sisters will get to do something that she won't, whether it be TV, playing their LeapFrog games, etc. I don't think taking away from her this one time will correct her behavior. We will have to be consistent and she will have many more things taken away from her before she realizes that her disobedience has consequences.
Danny and I (as I'm sure most parents do) struggle with disciplining our children. First, Danny and I were raised very differently so that comes into play a lot. I'm just naturally more of a disciplinarian than Danny is. My prayer is if I stay consistent with my discipline now, her older years may be slightly easier because she (and her sisters) will be able to fall back onto the instruction they received and were taught in their earlier years. It's also a struggle to focus on their heart change and not just a behavioral change. I've read a couple of books that discuss this and it makes total sense in my head, but implementing it is much more difficult.
When I focus on the behavioral change, the girls will learn if they behave a certain way, they will receive a reward of some type so that's really the only reason for their behavior change. With a heart change, they fully recognize their sins when doing something wrong and understand that they are sinning against God. They also realize when they do something right, it is pleasing and glorifying to God. There are entire books written on this subject, so this is my extremely abbreviated explanation of the difference between the two.
As I said, disciplining according to the word of God is difficult for me (as I'm sure it is for all parents). I absolutely want to make sure I do it correctly, but I also realize I'm human and I'm not going to do it perfectly. Through continued prayer, I know God will show me the way!
These are a few of the books I've read on behavior vs. heart change.
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